Buzz

April 12, 2017 by Emily Williams

I am buzzing. I got up early, I went to a fitness class, and my body came to work. I have been lifting weights for years, on and off. When you fall off the wagon, it is tough to get back on again. You feel weak, your muscles sear with pain, you get short of breath, some days even sitting down hurts. But that feeling, that shaky, gelatin-like feeling, compares to nothing. I like to think it's the feeling of my muscles growing. Like when my arms are so tired that I can barely raise them above my head to make a ponytail, I imagine that they are just busy putting all their energy into getting stronger.

April 09, 2017 by Emily Williams

This one is for Jen.

Survivors

April 05, 2017 by Emily Williams

I feel I should preface these words: so often I find myself filled with an uncontrollable sadness and anger when I think about how many individuals suffer at the hands of sexual abusers, even more so considering how many of these abusers get away with it. This piece might be a bit convoluted, as these words are driven by these emotions. These thoughts leave me feeling like I have cried for a week and that I have just been in a fight, simultaneously. I suppose I just needed to get it out.

March 31, 2017 by Emily Williams

Writing For You

March 29, 2017 by Emily Williams

I was chatting with one of my best friends the other day about her struggles in writing. One of her biggest challenges is that she is too afraid of what people might think. It blocks her creative pathways, stops her from sharing more of herself. Being self-conscious and afraid are the killers of creativity. Could a theatre actor walk out on stage every night and give a great performance if they were overwhelmed with what every audience member was thinking? Or could a singer belt out a hit if they were overthinking every note? Probably not.

March 24, 2017 by Emily Williams

Domesticity

March 22, 2017 by Emily Williams

Get home, stare at the house for a few minutes, maybe eat a slice of cheese, start busying myself. Get wood and start a fire. Put away any clean dishes, wash any dirty ones. Prep dinner, while simultaneously deciding whether or not there are enough dirty clothes to warrant a load of laundry. Fold and put away any clean laundry to the soundtrack of my current fav Netflix show or hip hop album. Make sure dinner isn't burning. Check the mail for bills, pay the bills. Have dinner hot and ready for when Nick comes home, even though he constantly insists that I should just eat without him if he is working late.

That's a pretty typical weekday evening for me.

March 17, 2017 by Emily Williams

Depression?

March 15, 2017 by Emily Williams

Sometimes I am the sunniest person in the room. Sometimes I am the darkest cloud.

Anyone else out there have bad days? Raise your hand. Everyone? I thought so.

Anyone have those days when you wake up feeling like you've already lost? That getting up at all is useless? Maybe not everyone, but I bet it's a lot more of us than we may think.

The way I experience depression confuses me, as it doesn't always manifest in the ways I imagine it would.

March 10, 2017 by Emily Williams

Serious and Sexy

March 08, 2017 by Emily Williams

When did we decide that being serious and sexy were mutually exclusive for women? If I want to hang out in a black lace teddy and stare at my University degree while writing a technical article for a new client, would I be sexy, or serious? Why not both?

As is demonstrated in this Huffington Post article, even some of our strongest advocates for feminism are criticized for showing their sexy side. To me, this is still sending the message that we have to be one thing or another, that we do not have the freedom of expression that we are fighting for.

TOO LOUD

March 01, 2017 by Emily Williams

Over and over in my life, I have been told that I am too loud. The thing is, my decibels aren't about to be turned down any time soon.

I am always having people telling me not to slam doors, or bang pots, or speak at the natural register of my voice. I grew up in a busy house full of kids and animals, where we were always trying to get someone's attention or play a game or doing some sort of crazy stunt that unnerved other parents. I like to think it's because our imaginations were loud and they were all bursting out at the same time. No one noticed when any one in particular was being loud; as far as I remember, it was just a general hum most of the time, and all the crashes and bangs just made a more interesting baseline for the soundtrack to our lives.

To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life

February 24, 2017 by Emily Williams

This article really spoke to me. I don't think I could say it much better myself, so I will just leave it at the words of Jamie Varon.

To Anyone Who Thinks They're Falling Behind in Life

Chatter

February 22, 2017 by Emily Williams

I watched a video of two best friends who were each asked to make a list of the things they don't like about their own bodies, then they were filmed reading them aloud but directing them at each other. They were very hurtful things.

I have read about it in a 100 articles on self-love and body image, and still I find myself and my peers questioning why we are hardest on ourselves? With the help of a great support group and some effort on my part, I have been able to do away with some of the negative chatter I used to have for myself and replaced it with more positive messages. I remember what it felt like to have the negative overpower the positive. It was heavy, it weighed me down and kept me from rising to things that would have brought me up. I may have made progress, but there are still things I let creep into my subconscious that are dark and inky and try to snuff out my light. I challenged myself to write them down. If I share them, confront them, maybe I will stop believing them.

Curve Curious

February 15, 2017 by Emily Williams

These days, I experience body shame less than I used to, but it is still something that influences my decisions every day.

For those of you that know me, you know that I have curves, and I happen to really like them. That doesn't mean I feel the need to flaunt them every day, but I'd like to have the option now and again. However, I taught myself from a young age that it's not a good idea. Here is why.

February 10, 2017 by Emily Williams

Fighting Chance

February 08, 2017 by Emily Williams

I'm not a fighter. I don't think I ever have been. I don't like to raise my voice, I don't swear gratuitously at someone to communicate my emotions, and nothing cuts me deeper than that aggressive tone of voice that is purposefully hurtful. Most of my life I have seen this as a good thing, because I rarely bring fighting to my relationships. I'm not saying I don't have other challenging communication behaviour, like keeping myself bottled up when I should speak my mind. Sometimes though, my reluctance to engage in a battle of emotions makes me feel weak, especially when I am up against someone who is a real fighter. I have pretty overactive tear ducts, it's a challenge to keep the waterfalls at bay when I am upset, which I often find terribly embarrassing, but I can't seem to get a handle on it.

February 04, 2017 by Emily Williams

My Hair

February 01, 2017 by Emily Williams

Why is it there, my hair?
It's there to flip and to flick
To braid and to twirl
It's up and it's down
Ponytails, knots, the occasional swirl
When I forget to brush it
Sometimes in dreads
I rarely think
About the fact that it's dead
Weight making my
Head hot when I'm warm
Cold when it's wet
It's always waving it's strands
In the wind
To every person I've met
Strangers too
Inadvertent hellos
When it flows
In the throws
Of a passing wind

Solidarity

January 25, 2017 by Emily Williams

I have always loved the word solidarity. I like what it represents, which to me is a connection through shared experience and/or standing strong together in an opinion or belief. What inspired me to write about it was something so simple, that it reminded me if you are open to it, you can find solidarity everywhere.