Crying Shame

"If I'm not between a 3 and a 7 on the emotional scale, I'm crying." - Kristen Bell

I don't think that there is a statement I could relate to more honestly.  Although for me, it might even be between 3.5-6.5. Or if I'm really tired. Or really frustrated. Also a lot in TV and movies, even awards shows. And songs. I still cry every time Chandler proposes to Monica, even though I've watched that scene an innumerable amount. Basically, my tear ducts are pretty strong and pretty active.

At some point, we as a society decided that crying denotes weakness. That letting your emotions leak out like waterfalls was a sign that you couldn't keep it together. That it's something we should be ashamed of. I take issue with that. Sure, the times when I am crying body-heaving, breath-stealing, soul-shaking sobs I am definitely not on top of my game. But those kind of tears are few and far between. Normally it is either just a few stray drops of salt that roll through my make-up, or that tightness in the throat that makes my voice break and betray me. Still, we've made that out to mean that I am too sensitive, or too emotional. Why does that matter so much? And why is it a bad thing? I dare you to confront me on a day when I have cried multiple times, and I will still be able to handle all my responsibilities and emotions maturely. 

Now, tons of other people in my life experience the same emotions as me, but they don't dissolve into waterworks as often. I was curious about the biology behind it. Am I predisposed to leakage? So I looked into it as best I could via Google. 

There doesn't seem to be any hard and fast answers. Factors that have shown up as playing a role in some studies are gender, sleep, hormones, stress, and sleep. That seems pretty legit. You're over tired, or stressed, doubtful it brings anyone closer to the verge. Fluctuations in any number of hormones can have unpredictable consequences, and vary by person, no surprise there.  I also read an article that said being neurotic, extroverted, or empathetic also can be indicators for more frequent flow. Sooo what about a neurotic, empathetic, extrovert? Triple whammy for me. 

Regardless of the reason, I am looking forward to the future outlook on weepers like myself. The stoic characters of the 50s are becoming less popular, and a trend towards looking up to characters who actually know how to process and express their emotions is on the rise. I hope that's because on a whole, we are able to relate to them more easily. I have seen a shift in discussions of what we should value in our lives. Things like money, success, status, and wealth haven't disappeared, but in some circles anyways, have been eclipsed by things like happiness, fulfillment, self-awareness, and living your truth. I don't think those things can be achieved without vulnerability. Not that tears are the ultimate signal of being vulnerable, but considering it is a physical show of emotion we are often unable to control, I think it is almost always on the vulnerability scale. We should embrace that. Vulnerability is where the realness lies. It's where we find those juicy nuggets of truth that might even change the way you understand yourself.

I don't argue that when someone breaks down in the middle of a meeting, or speech, or any situation that is less than intimate can't a bit awkward. How others, the non-cryers, react can sometimes dictate how awkward it can be. I remember a story an old co-worker told me, back in the lululemon days. She said she looked up at a customer she was ringing through one day, and the woman had silent tears streaming down her face. She said she always has regretted not asking if she needed anything. I know I have had similar regrets, especially as a fellow sniffler. We shouldn't let our anonymity create a barrier when we see someone that is clearly going through something challenging. Most of us have the ability to sense if someone would like to be acknowledged or not. Or, we can ask, and at least give them the choice. Maybe a hug is just what they need. Maybe they need a quiet place to collect themselves. Maybe they just need to let it out. 

Tears can expose us, and they can also set us free. After a cry, (a cry I really need not just a flood brought on by a cute video or adorable story) it is rare that I feel anything but relief. Depending on the situation, I might feel embarrassed for a little while, but that will fade and I will feel lighter. Some people really aren't criers, it's just not their thing. But those of you who choke back the tide when it grips your eyes and throat and stomach, let the waves crash more often. The release is so worth it.