Taking Charge

I am a planner. I make lists. I use the Calendar and the Notes app on my phone almost as much as I use my messaging or camera (which is a lot...I need less screen time). I also have a Moleskin planner that I carry with me almost everywhere, just in case I feel like using it instead. 

When it comes to planning events or gatherings of any kind, I am a bit neurotic. I don't mind taking charge in a situation where nobody else is, even when it means I am a bit annoying. The catch is that I am a highly anxious person and I am also a people pleaser. So while I may send you too many e-mails and ask for constant updates making sure that everything is getting done, I am also really self-conscious about coming across...well, just as I am I guess. I have OCD in my genes but it is not debilitating. It seems to manifest itself mostly in small things, like keeping my house tidy or fidgeting with my ears and fingernails. It also comes up when I am in charge of something and I think it probably makes it harder for me to be a considerate leader. If someone on my planning team has an idea I don't like, I won't shoot it down right away, but if I feel it doesn't fit with my vision, I have to coach myself into letting them step in. I usually get there, but it does seem to go against my instincts to charge forward. I am so glad I do have the sense to take off my bossy-pants once in awhile, because Lord knows I am not the only one with great ideas. I think half the time I am following up with other people it is because I am just worried I am forgetting something, because sometimes I do and it sucks. The ironic part is that I detest it when other people micro-manage me; I'm pretty sure I would annoy myself. I don't know if what I do is what you think of as micro-managing, or just being hyper-organized. Either way, consider this your fair warning if you are ever planning something with me. 

I am also really worried about whatever it is that I am planning going well. I hate disappointing people. I want everything I plan to be awesome. I often wish I was rich just so I could throw amazing parties for people all the time (Top of my list: Great Gatsby theme). I also get a great ego boost from performing something well, I can admit that it is not entirely motivated by altruism. If I plan an evening where everyone, especially the guest of honour like a birthday girl/boy, has a really great time, I am buzzing. Making sure other people are having fun is one of my favourite things. It is definitely a bit selfish because I enjoy the praise, but mostly I just love that I was able to orchestrate a gathering where everyone has made a memory.

I have been told often that I should have been/should be an event planner, but I don't know if I would really enjoy it. When you work with clients, you have to bend to their vision. I like to have an idea and run with it, be creative and be in control (my need for control is a whole other tangent for another day). And it's not that I think I am some sort of event planning savant, it's just that when I get so excited about something, I have a hard time keeping my mouth shut and not trying to take over. I was the girl with a megaphone in High School. I don't think I ever really put it down.

As a friend said to me today, "...sometimes someone just has to be that person and when it's all said and done [everyone] is grateful that you are willing..." to be that person because it is worth it. Often times I do feel like people appreciate it because they are happy not to have the responsibility, which is the trade off of taking the lead. The challenge is when you have more than one of us in a group...that can get interesting. There is a lot of trying not to step on toes while still having your say. All about communication and letting your ego go I think!

Thankfully, I have been lucky enough to end up with a partner who likes to be an over-the-top host as much as I do (ask anyone who we have ever force-fed an Eggsplosion to at our house). I also have friends who love me enough to put up with my nagging and constant e-mails without complaint; or at least they are too polite to complain to my face. 

If I ever win the lottery, you are all invited to my extravagant Great Gatsby themed shin-dig somewhere fabulous. Until that time comes, I will stick to trying to make the smaller events nights to be remembered...without pissing everyone off.