Storms

Recently a storm derailed my plans. I live on an Island, if I want to get anywhere else I need a boat or a plane. Living life by a ferry schedule is old hat for me since I grew up here too, but in almost two decades, it has been an issue only a handful of times. When on occasion Mother Nature beats her wings so strongly that the waters churn too much for a crossing, or makes the turbulence too dangerous in a plane, no matter what my plans, I am land locked. There is nothing to be done but stay home and weather it out. 

It got me thinking: what about other storms? Ones not fuelled by wind or rain, but by emotional upset. The ones you can't see that rage through our lives like cyclones and wreck havoc on our sanity and stability. A divorce, a death, an unexpected trauma of any kind. Things you can't control that throw you, test you, maybe even break you. There is no meteorologists' handbook that tells you when it's coming or how to prepare; there is no app for that.

Some of us wear our storms on the outside and let the wind rage haphazardly over everything in our path. Some let the tornado spin internally, so that only we know the pain that is twisting our insides. At any given time,  anyone you walk past in the street could be battling a life altering storm of despair. Think about the times you may have seen a stranger cry in public, or heard the anxiety in their voice on the phone without knowing what is being said on the other end. There is no good time to deal with a crisis, and we can't control when they show up, no matter how inconvenient. 

So how do we manage these hurricanes of hurt?  We can't just board up the windows and hope it passes without too much damage. Unlike handling a real storm, there isn't protocol to follow to stay safe and recover the most quickly. There is no one right answer for how to deal with  an emotional disaster; everyone processes distress differently.  When I am seriously upset, I usually go through an initial stage where I don't want to talk to anyone. I need to be alone with my misery so that I can feel it and take the time to process the anguish and the panic. Going through that internal struggle alone is how I find the truth of my emotions, so that when I am ready to be vulnerable with someone in my support system, I can articulate what I am going through and what I need from them. 

Tragedy is easier to bare when it is shared. When the ferries were cancelled the other day, it wasn't exactly a serious crisis, but I still called a friend to help me troubleshoot and re-group on how I was going to solve the predicament of not being able to get where I needed to be. Humans are hardwired to live in villages for safety, for convenience, for survival. Many hands make light work, whether it be with gathering food, building a home, or raising a child. I would say the same of going through an intangible ordeal. When you reach out and ask for emotional help, you are braving the decision to be vulnerable, which means admitting you're not ok. Each of us are our own unique jigsaw puzzle, and when we fall apart or can't figure out where the next piece goes, we might need to tap someone in to take over the reconstruction.

 It doesn't have to be a dire-need situation for it to warrant wanting support. Maybe you just need a fresh perspective on something. Our "life storms" hit at all different levels on the Saffir-Simpson scale. A Category One we can probably handle on our own just fine with some quick thinking and a few deep breaths. But when the Category Fives hit, leaning on our  most trusted  inner circle of storm warriors is nothing to be ashamed of. 

A recently released 75 year study on physical and emotional well-being conducted by Harvard concluded that "...the biggest predictor of your happiness and fulfillment overall in life is, basically, love." The study showed that it's not about the quantity of the relationships that you have, but the quality. They defined this by individuals being able to be vulnerable with one another and being able to truly be comfortable in who they are with the people they are closest to. We should be sharing our hopes and dreams with our most trusted friends, but also our fears and traumas. It will make our relationships stronger, and in the end, allow us to live a longer, happier, and more relaxed life knowing that we have someone in our corner who knows us on our darkest days and loves us anyways.

So next time that storm hits the horizon, that wall of rain comes flooding down, put on your wellies and grab someone to help you hold the umbrella steady.