Tube Time

Television. TV. Cable. Netflix. YouTube. However you get it, whatever it is that you call it. On-screen entertainment is accessible to us nearly everywhere at all hours of the day.

My name is Emily, and I am addicted to TV. I know that might sound really ridiculous to many people, but I really think it is true! I get anxious when I can't have it on in the background, when I am cooking, cleaning, doing anything that does not require my full attention. Somedays, I feel like shirking all my responsibilities and social engagements and holeing up on the couch to indulge in an old fashioned binge. Suits? I am only on Season 3. Vampire Diaries? Season 4. I know that off the top of my head because I think about how I am going to fit the next episode into my day and how many more there are to devour. Don't even attempt to talk to me if there is a TV on, I am not listening. I get sucked in. Unless it's something silly that I have seen before, I am not multi-tasking. I realize now more than ever why Sloth is one of the deadly sins. If I gave in to all the impulses I have towards turning on the tube, I would never get anything done.

I am pretty busy these days. I juggle multiple jobs, I am planning a wedding and a house, motivating myself to eat right, exercise, and write everyday, not to mention trying to keep up with mundane chores like laundry and vaccuming so our household doesn't dissolve into a slovenly mess. These things all add up to a very privileged and full life. But some days...I wish the goals and the plans would melt away, and I could watch hours of uninterrupted sitcoms and dramas and movies. I don't have time for that! Nor is it a productive or healthy idea. I have been waiting for the lazy days of winter, but they're not coming. I won't have a day without a deadline probably for years. Sure, once in awhile I will put down my laptop, put on my slippers, and give myself a day off, but inevitably the next day I will feel guilty for having played hooky and will work double time.

The question is, why?? Why do I feel the need turn on sit-com re-runs the minute I walk in the door? Am I just used to it? Or am I hiding from something? Am I using these scripted shows as something my brain can tell itself it is involved in to avoid thinking about other things? Let's say yes. Am I hiding from the responsibility of being productive? So many times I think "Why not just throw on an educational podcast instead." I love podcasts. They are great ways to learn new things. No thank you, says my brain, I want the drama, the laugh tracks, the mental junk food.  Much like a good chocolate bar, why do I crave these things?? Am I mentally tired? I don't think that's it. Even though I am working most days, I have a pretty low-stress, cusheony life. I can't be that drained. I suppose though, sometimes I do like to just give my brain a chance to drift away and relax. I am a high anxiety person. When I am doing something I "shouldn't be," I have a quiet monologue reminding me of all the more productive things I could be doing. Relaxing isn't my go to setting. Sometimes I wish it was! That I wouldn't even notice the hours rolling by while I am busy trying to figure out who killed who or gunning for the good guy to get the girl.

I suppose I should also ask, why is this a big deal to me? Aside from the obvious issues with being too sedentary, why do I need to be a productivity machine every minute of the day? I would say that I don't actually expect that of myself anymore, but I do still have the guilt. I mean, this is honestly one of the most embarrassing things I do! I should know better! I do know better! My self-control should be stronger. But it isn't. I am a grown person, I should be able to just leave the remote alone and work on writing a novel!

The other thing that worries me is setting an example for my kids. We had strict TV rules in my house growing up and I think that was a good thing! Kids should be out playing and learning most of the time. So should adults! I need to be able to practice what I preach. My fiancé  is always out in his shop building things, being productive, he already sets a good example. I can't very well limit screen time for my children if I am going to turn around and be a big hypocrite about it. I also suppose (as any parent reading this might point out) that my time and schedule will be a lot different when I have children, so perhaps I should let that worry slide until little brains are watching and learning from me.

I thought about making some sort of "30 Days Without TV" declaration, but honestly, I don't want to. I like having TV there as an entertainment option. But I should watch less, read more, or at least choose some better background soundtracks to cooking dinner. And considering how prominent Netflix has become, I feel like I am not alone... #getoutside