What are the first questions you ask someone when you meet them?

When you first meet someone, there's that moment after you learn their name (and in some cases forget it immediately) where your brain goes "What do I say now?" and it usually proceeds through a list of acceptable questions. Have you ever noticed that "What do you do?" is one of the first questions you ask someone? It's almost as if we're saying that what we do for work is what defines us, gives us more value than anything else you could learn about someone. If you really are honest about yourself, the answer to that question might weigh on how we will interact with this person going forward. 

It also could be that we hide behind the familiarity of basic factual questions, because we are scared that if we ask total strangers things like "What really gets you out of bed in the morning?" they might think we're weird or nosey or, they may even give us a real answer like, "Actually, I've struggled with depression for most of my life, so some days, nothing can get me out of bed." Can you imagine though, what amazing conversations could be sparked by something like that? We could create way more space for discussions about our passions and goals and what really gives us a feeling of self-worth and confidence. What if some of the first questions we asked each other were more like this:

• What has inspired you lately? 

• What was the last thing you did that made you feel really proud of yourself?

• What is a goal you are working on?

• If your closest friends were asked to describe you, what would they say? 

• What is one of the best pieces of advice you have ever gotten?

• What's something you've always wanted to do, but you're afraid to try?

• What makes you happy?

• Describe your perfect day.

There are people out there who do what they love for a living and spend every day working on something that they are passionate about. I hope to be one of those people some day. I am sure that if you asked them some of the above questions, their work would play a big part in their answers. Shouldn't we give each other a choice though, to define ourselves by what really matters to us? Even if  "What do you do?" is still one of the first questions asked, shouldn't we be comfortable answering with something like "Well, currently I work at a big tech company, but what I really want to do is start a not-for-profit day care focusing on impoverished families where they can come to have their children cared for, and also meet with other parents to find friendship, support, and solutions." What if you said that and the person you were talking to knew someone who could help you achieve that? Wouldn't that be amazing?! Or even an answer like "I listen to my friends and family when they need me, I like to read for hours on my deck in the summer, and I challenge myself to make one new recipe a week." What if that was just normal? I feel like we would have much more inspiring, informative, and interesting conversations. We would have closer friendships, discover more creative business ventures, and I honestly think dating would be easier.

If we re-define what it looks like to meet people and talk to people and be open with people, I think we would achieve higher levels of happiness and self-esteem collectively in our communities. I think, we can change what we value and what we really want to know about each other by what we ask, and by being willing to answer. What would you want people to ask you?