Geller Syndrome

"Your lack of planning does not constitute an emergency on my part."

I read that in Anna Kendrick's book recently and I thought it was brilliant. I plan ahead. Sometimes too much. I get neurotic about details that in the end don't matter. But I like to be prepared and I like things done efficiently, and frankly, I don't see anything wrong with that. But it is surprising, to me anyways, how much flack I take for it. I would say it is actually the number one criticism I get, while also the number one complement. I have been praised for my organizational skills, if that's the right term for it. I have been put in leadership roles because of them. I like it and usually, even though I do slip up sometimes, I do a decent job. And yet, I still have people in my life that even while I know that they(probably) deep down appreciate what I am doing, tease me about getting somewhere early, or calling to confirm something I know I have already booked. I am getting a little tired of it, and you know what? It's hurtful. I'm not asking you to do it, so why does it matter?

Ok, that is not entirely true. Sometimes, if I am in charge of a group (or I'm not and decide I am), I can be a bit pushy. And yes, I can understand that waiting around because you're early isn't a lot of fun. But neither is rushing because you are late! And in that case, your plans could get really messed up if you say, miss a flight. Bring a book, listen to music, go for a walk, or close your eyes and use that time as an excuse to find a few moments of peace in this rat race life of ours. I mean, am I really expecting too much by asking people to be ready to go a little early or to actually follow through with what they say they will do? Sometimes if I didn't, nothing would get done!

It does annoy me when I have gone to all the effort, and then I have people asking me for help at the last minute. Most of the time I am happy to help find a solution. But every once in awhile I feel like saying "Hey, if you didn't have the forethought to figure this out in a timely manner, that really isn't my responsibility." Yes, I know that part of being a good friend or girlfriend or sister is looking out for each other. But every once in awhile I'm like hey, I did the work, I shouldn't have to endure the stress that goes along with last minute planning when I am the one who has planned ahead. That is why I do it! I don't want to deal with missing the ferry or not having a reservation or forgetting something when I am packing. So I do my research, I call ahead, and I communicate to anyone involved in my plan about updates so they are in the loop. You know the last time someone else did all the planning for me, even for the simple stuff? I don't remember. (If you did, please remind me because clearly I am losing perspective!)

The other side of the coin is that I am a control freak, which makes me very hard to plan with. In the game of which 90s sitcom character are you, I would probably 75-95% of my life be Monica. ("No, that's where we put the canned goods. Have you forgotten everything from orientation?"). I don't have a problem admitting that I do not relinquish control easily. ("Relinquish is just a fancy word for lose!") The conflicting part is I do want someone else to take the reins and plan for me sometimes. It's nice to have things all sorted out for you; I find it a really lovely gesture, even for something as small as grocery shopping. But then, I usually want to follow up and make sure they are doing it the way I would, or I want them to give me enough updates to make me feel confident that it is getting done. ("And remember, if I'm harsh with you, it's only because you're doing it wrong.")  I know it is probably incredibly annoying, and I do my best to acknowledge that when I am part of a team.These expectations come partly from the fact that I also like things done well when others are expecting things of me. ("I have this uncontrollable need to please people!") This can put me in some sticky spots, because I would rather over-communicate than end up letting someone down on account of not knowing what their expectations are. I imagine it often prompts people to think "Get out and stop annoying me." I promise, I am just trying to do my best!

I bet there are those of you out there, even some of my closest friends, who are thinking "My Lord, I can stop holding my breath now!" And you should! If I am being a pain, tell me. If I hurt your feelings, tell me. But also keep in mind that this is in my nature, and if you would rather not plan something with me, I will understand. 

Yes, all the quotes from above are actual Monica Geller lines. In the context of 6 quirky friends living in New York, saying things like that is funny and ridiculous. In real life, it is usually hurtful and annoying. Hence, my issue, and also why I am acknowledging that I probably could work on my delivery a little bit. In the vein of being more conscious of my behaviour, I will do my best to communicate with compassion without compromising the results I am looking for. ("You want to push the caps, until you hear them click.")