Dad

"Dear Sweet Beautiful Smart Capable Daughter,"

That was how a recent e-mail from my Dad started. How amazing would it be if that was the messaging all girls got from their Dads? I feel pretty lucky to have a Father who is not only a big believer in me, but in women in general. Despite any other challenges to my self-esteem, I am willing to bet that his attitude has made a significant impact on how I view my ability to succeed. When I was growing up, I didn't learn that my gender would influence my career until I was much older, and out in a society that believed it could. I am so grateful that is the start he gave me. 

My Mom passed away when I was pretty little, so Dad was all I had for a few years there. He learned to French braid my hair. He had to pick out flowery outfits. He had to deal with girly questions that might have made him uncomfortable. And in my later years, he still had to navigate things like puberty, tears caused by High School Math, and heartbreak a lot on his own too. 

I feel like despite our personal challenges, my Dad and I have managed to maintain a solid relationship. We have had our ups and downs, both personally and together. The one thing I am certain of is that my Dad cares about me wholly all the time. No matter how many weeks go by that we don't see each other or don't talk on the phone, I still feel connected. We have never been the call-each-other-every-day type of family. It works for some families, but that's just not the way we are. My Dad respects me and my time, and I appreciate that he understands that even though I would love to visit more, living on different Islands makes that difficult. Sometimes we talk and don't have much to share. Sometimes we can talk for an hour about all matters of topics, from history and physics, to comic books and gardening. We both enjoy good food, and I like that we have our favourite restaurants that we always go back to.  I love that when I walk through our West Coast forests, I can still tell you the names of a lot of the trees and little plants because my Dad used to take me on educational nature walks. I loved coming home to look up a new bird or plant in what I called his Plant and Animal books. I definitely got some of my weird sense of humour, overall friendly demeanour, and insatiable thirst for learning from my Pops. Some say my hair and my laugh too.

Dad's are important to everyone, and I think especially so to little girls. Their behaviour can influence how we see men for the rest of our lives. If we are disrespected and downtrodden on by our Dad's, it is going to be a lot harder to learn that that's not the way we should be treated by our partners.  When it comes to divorce, I'm a big supporter. I don't mean we should be taking marriage lightly, nor do I mean to downplay how heartbreaking a process it must be. I just mean I personally think it is better than watching your parents stay in unhealthy and unhappy relationships. I don't see it as giving up, I see it as giving yourself and everyone else another chance to heal, move on, and be happier.

Parenting, I imagine, is an incredibly challenging and complicated matter. I myself spend far too much time being anxious about it considering I am not yet a parent myself. I am glad my Dad made a lot of the decisions that he did because for better or for worse, they worked out for me. Some of them were really hard. Some of them didn't work out well for him. I bet some of them hurt. 

I can truly say that never, not once in my life no matter what either of us has been going through, have I ever felt like my Dad didn't love me. And that is pretty great. Thanks Daddy, I love you. Happy Fathers Day.