Letters To My Sister

When my youngest sister turned 19, I wrote her 15 sealed letters, and put them in a box. They each had a label like "Open when you are crying," "Open when you need to remember how beautiful you are," "Open when you are scared," or "Open when you are making a tough decision." Each had words that would hopefully guide her through whatever it was she needed support in, and lead her to a solution, or at least offer some comfort. When I started writing them, they took on a life of their own and became more than I expected them to be. I was actually proud of them. Luckily, I had written draft copies of all of them so I could have the right words for the final letters. Below, are the two letters that would ultimately start and finish the series. The labels on them note opening at a specific age, but I had a friend point out that they really could be suited for anyone, anywhere, looking for a little direction.


Open When You Turn 19

Nineteen. That age that holds an undeniable mystical quality of independence. Use your new found freedom that society has granted you responsibly and wildly. Remember that age is just a number, and you are the one that decides your own meaning of "coming of age" no matter what a magazine or a rap song or a parent tells you. You are your own, so own it like you never have before. Take risks and abandon fear, for really it was never real at all, just an imagined weight holding down your dreams.

 Make a vision and don't let anyone tell you it's not possible. Share it and inspire everyone you meet to reach higher, whatever their higher is, and climb to the top together. You might slip a few times on the way up, but those scars just show that you're living, not sitting on the sidelines. Admit when you're wrong and take responsibility for your mistakes, which you will undoubtably make, we all do. Just pull a Taylor and Shake It Off.

Most of all, be true to yourself, love your uniqueness, and appreciate those who are genuinely there for you, those boys and girls taking the same zig-zagging highway you're on. Even though the most thrilling feeling of all is learning to throw both your arms up high and let yourself ride free on the roller coaster of life, it is nice to hold someone's hand sometimes.

You already light up every room you walk into, go light up that world.




Open When You Turn 20

Welcome to a new decade!

Now that you're in your twenties, you need to immediately move to a busy city and get an overpriced apartment in a hip neighbourhood. Have several of your best friends move into the same building, preferably across the hall, and make sure someone's brother moves there too so he can drop in often and date your friends.

Wait... I forgot that life is not based on the series of unlikely circumstances in Friends that we have idolized for years. I really just wish I had someone as funny as Chandler around all the time.

Being "in your twenties" always seems to sound like you've entered an age where everything is dripping with possibility, which is sort of true. Often though, that unfortunately seems to translate into a lot of anxiety around what you should do with your life and worrying about checking off the list of things we're "supposed" to do. I say, burn the fucking list and do what makes you happy.

I remember dancing my way into my twenties. In my twenties, I decided that life was too short to give my time to people who didn't bring out the best in me; I started to question the ideals and expectations I was following and started to figure out which ones I actually wanted, and which were part of a formula my Western upbringing had instilled in me; and that I would rather be poor than stay in a job that I wasn't happy in just for a better pay check (that may have been inspired partly by the starving artist living inside me). These lessons and so many more will stay with me forever and shape who I am and how I make decisions.

Your twenties does mean that you need to put your big girl pants on though. It's terrifying and wonderfully liberating to get to that point where you have financial and emotional independence. That doesn't mean you can't ask for help with paying for school, or call home when you are having a crisis, but it's just a feeling you get. Even in those weeks when you only have $17 in the bank to get you to the next paycheque and all you can afford to eat is rice and beans and pancake mix, you feel a little like you could do anything.

If you let it, your twenties will become a tapestry of different personalities and characters. Meet as many different kinds of people as you can. You never know what you could learn from someone totally different from you. You might even discover a passion you didn't know you had. Do be wary of people who get too close too fast, you want to stick to genuine friendships. As Drake would say "Fuck a fake friends where your real friends at?"

In short, your twenties will be a tumultuous mixture of amazing experiences, some that will test you to your very wits end. It's the strong ones that rise from the Phoenix flames of their lowest points and come out a better version of themselves. Spread those wings and fly my dearest, not even the sky is the limit.